Pennypinchers – an extract from A Wilderness of Monkeys

Larry takes Alice to get some paints for her mural

SCENE 12: PENNYPINCHERS

MUZAK, LOW-LEVEL MURMURINGS FROM OTHER  CUSTOMERS.

LARRY:      Right, what they got?

ALICE:       They’ve got everything – and it’s all one pound.

LARRY:      OK, so what do we need?

ALICE:       We need white and black and red and orange and blue and— 

LARRY:      Yeah, hang on, you’re just naming all the colours in the spectrum.

ALICE:       The what?

LARRY:      What do we need?

ALICE:       Well, we need yellow. We’re almost out of yellow.

LARRY:      OK, tube of yellow.

ALICE:       Two tubes. It’s for the sand.

LARRY:      Fair enough. What else?

ALICE:       Black, for the lines. 

LARRY:      For the lines, of course, get a black.

ALICE:       And pink.  

LARRY:      We don’t need pink. For the people, you mean? You can just--

ALICE:       No, not the people. The sea!

LARRY:      The sea?

ALICE:       The sea.

LARRY:      The sea isn’t pink, it’s green. Green or blue. 

ALICE:       Green or blue or pink. 

LARRY:      No...

ALICE:       Sometimes it’s— 

LARRY:      The sea is not pink.

ALICE:       Sometimes it--

LARRY:      When?

ALICE:       In the evening.

LARRY:      Oh.

ALICE:       Like when we went to the seaside one time, with Mum--

LARRY:      Mum, right.

ALICE:       And at the end of the day--

LARRY:      Yes.

ALICE:       And she said, look, the sea--

LARRY:      Yes, you’re right--

ALICE:       She said isn’t it beautiful and you said yes, it is. Do you remember?

LARRY:      I... yes... Yes, you’re right. You’re right. Sometimes the sea is pink.

PAUSE.

                   Go on, then, get what you want.

EAGER FOOTSTEPS RECEDE. A MELANCHOLY SIGH CLOSE TO THE MIC.

FADE